New Year’s Wish List

If Christmas is a time for gift-giving, the start of a new year is a time for wish-making, not only for oneself but for others as well. In keeping with this tradition, we in Bulatlat.com have, after a great deal of contemplation, drawn up a list of New Year’s wishes for some famous (or infamous) people.

By Alexander Martin Remollino and Rowena Carranza  
Bulatlat.com

1. President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo – a notebook, palmtop or just plain sharp memory that would enable her to remember everything that United States (U.S.) President George W. Bush and the U.S. State Department tell her.

2. U.S. President Bush – a revised English dictionary and new mathematical concepts that would accommodate his semantic inventions (e.g., mis-underestimated) and amazing calculations (e.g. 50 X 3 = 195).

3. Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Muhammad – a vacation from his job, so he would have time to write a book on logic and prove that the Filipinos deported from Sabah were illegal aliens because the British government illegally turned over the island to Malaysia in 1963.

4. Former President Joseph Estrada – Constitutional amendment, so that, at the minimum, the government may grant him the house arrest not granted to other prisoners without violating the equal protection clause; at the maximum, so he could run for reelection or legalize jueteng (a local form of gambling), adultery, and smuggling.

5. Former President Fidel Ramos – free classes on Philippine Government and Constitution at the  University of the Philippines so he may find out for sure whether the provision prohibiting elected presidents from serving for more than one term qualifies him to run in the 2004 presidential elections.

6. Ilocos Norte Representative Imee Marcos – a time machine so she could take a trip back to Sept. 21, 1972 and get what she wants without having to file her Anti-Terrorism Bill.

7. Discovery Crusade of the Philippines leader Eli Pamatong – a continuous discourse with fellow Philippine statehood advocate Cayetano Arellano, R.I.P.

8. Jinggoy Alcuaz – more punctuation marks in the alphabet. (With the way Philippine politics is going and the endless issues to protest against, he would need plenty of them.)

9. Mayor Rey Malonzo – more film festivals to head so the people of Caloocan may realize how inept he is as an organizer, actor and mayor.

10. Extradited Estrada pal Mark Jimenez – a trip to a country with no extradition treaty with the U.S. and whose leaders accept generous “charity contributions.”

11. Tourism Secretary Richard Gordon – a new calendar year that provides long holidays and less workdays, which, according to his logic, will spurt economic growth.

12. Labor Secretary Patricia Sto. Tomas – a free trip to Switzerland, including limousine service, so she need not rely on Nestle Inc.

13. Metro Manila Development Authority Bayani Fernando – a new name so that the images that come to mind whenever “bayani” (hero) is mentioned remain that of Bonifacio, Rizal, Mabini and other real heroes from our historic past, not that of a petty (as in mean and insignificant) bureaucrat – with senatorial ambitions, they say – in our horrid present.

14. House Speaker Jose de Venecia – a giant set of crayons, so he could draw rainbows when his fantastic dream of a unity government crumples – for how could it not?

15. Communist Party of the Philippines (CPP) spokesman Gregorio Rosal, a.k.a. Ka Roger – a new tie-dye sleeveless shirt for his next press conference “somewhere in the Sierra Madre.”

Bulatlat.com

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