A Christmas Wish List for GMA, Kris and others

In the spirit of Christmas, Bulatlat has drawn up a wish list for selected personalities who hogged the headlines in 2004. To all those mentioned: This is our way of recognizing you for your (a) notoriety; (b) controversy; (c) corruptibility; or (d) all of the above.

BY ALEXANDER MARTIN REMOLLINO
Bulatlat

Christmas is a time for giving gifts and sharing one’s love. Even in a time of crisis, the people of Bulatlat also take this opportunity to think of appropriate gifts to those they love (and, in this case, hate).

One wishes he could give everyone the best gifts they could have for Christmas, but there are limits to what one can do. For those we cannot give gifts to for one reason or another, we turn to the next best thing: we send them our Christmas wishes.

In the spirit of Christmas, Bulatlat has drawn up a wish list for selected personalities who hogged the headlines in 2004. To all those mentioned: This is our way of recognizing you for your (a) notoriety; (b) controversy; (c) corruptibility; or (d) all of the above.

1. Philippine President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo – a textbook on Basic Mathematics so that she would know the nuances of addition and subtraction, and realize that dagdag-bawas (vote-padding, vote-shaving) is NOT a mathematical operation; a DVD of the 1940s movie Pinocchio so that she would know why her nose has been getting longer since 2001.

2. Kris Aquino – a billionaire boyfriend (this time, single with no children!) who would give her twice the jewelry she has, so she would not have to say that her jewelry is all “katas ng Hacienda Luisita” (loosely translated as products of the hard work of Hacienda Luisita workers).

3. Tarlac Rep. Noynoy Aquino – a pair of glasses that can help one identify a New People’s Army (NPA) guerrilla within five meters so that he would know that there is no such person trying to infiltrate the picket at Hacienda Luisita. We chose five meters instead of 50 meters so that he would be forced to go near the picketline to know the plight of workers in his hacienda.

4. Press Secretary Ignacio Bunye – a parrot, a puppet and a poster of a smiling President. No need to explain!

5. Presidential candidate-turned-singer-and-actor Eddie Gil – a moment of enlightenment so that he would know that he could still be president of the Philippines someday. This is assuming that half of the population is deployed to work overseas and the other half simply leave the country out of frustration with the way this administration is running the country.

6. Labor Secretary Patricia Sto. Tomas – an unabridged dictionary of the English language so that she would know the difference between “dispersal” and “massacre,” as well as the meaning of democracy and freedom. We hope that she will realize the tragic implications of her blunder when she claimed to be not embarrassed by what happened at Hacienda Luisita in November 2004 on the premise that this happens in a democracy.

7. Retired Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP) comptroller Carlos Garcia – packaging tape for his wife’s mouth to prevent the possibility of her accidentally squealing on him again as he faces court-martial proceedings for alleged involvement in large-scale military corruption.

8. Government Service Insurance System (GSIS) president and general manager Winston Garcia – instructions on how to reach the end of the rainbow to get the Leprechaun’s pot of gold. Hopefully this will discourage him from further dipping his finger into the government employees’ hard-earned GSIS contributions. (How to fight the enraged Leprechaun, however, is for him to know and for us to keep.)

9. Former National Security Adviser Norberto Gonzales – a 2003-2004 accomplishment report of Bayan Muna, AnakPawis and Gabriela Women’s Party which indicates how their funds were spent so that he can finally identify – if he can! – the beneficiaries he claims to be communist fronts.

10. Col. Jovito Palparan – an electric chair that looks like a shiatsu massage leather chair. Want an explanation? Just ask the families of murdered residents in Mindoro. Bulatlat

BACK TO TOP ■  PRINTER-FRIENDLY VERSION  ■   COMMENT

© 2004 Bulatlat ■  Alipato Publications

Permission is granted to reprint or redistribute this article, provided its author/s and Bulatlat are properly credited and notified.