The investigators would even fuel the suspicion against her on subjective and flimsy basis.
Such was the case when, after three months with the guerillas, she wrote down all her observations and criticisms on their mass work, on their attitude and on the investigation of her case. She submitted this to her investigating officer.
The officer was impressed with what she was written, but in the end, her observations were used to strengthen suspicions against her.
“Intel daw ako, kasi isang bagsak pa lang ng salita nila, alam ko na lahat ng sasabihin nila (They accused me of being an intelligence agent, because I could guess what they were about to say),” Lila said.
Lila even recalled an S4 (logistics officer) who would give her less food than what was allotted for her. “Hindi dapat pinapakain ng marami ang bihag (Prisoners should not be fed much),” he said.
Encounter
On the positive side, Lila said she was able to push her endurance level to new heights.
“Dati pag ayoko ng place, ang tendency ko, aalis ako. Pero sa bundok, kelangan ko i-endure lahat. Di ako pwedeng umalis. Mga taong kahit ayaw mong kausapin, ayaw mong unawain, kelangan mong kausapin, unawain (Before, if I didn’t like a place, I’d just leave. But in the mountains, I had to endure it all. I can’t just leave. I have to face even people I didn’t like and didn’t want to talk to),” she said. She was determined to endure all to clear their names and hoped to bring back his brother alive.
Lila said she unintentionally acquired her NPA training as a prisoner in the mountains.
On two occasions, Lila survived defensive battles against government troops. On both occasions, she was alert enough to be able to carry her backpack and get out of the firing line. Yet on both occasions, some guerillas would accuse her of having prior knowledge of the enemy’s movements.
In her first defensive encounter, Lila got separated from the unit. She survived for two days on a few tablets of multivitamins and ascorbic acid, and the small packs of sugar and salt, which she always carried in her pack.
Lila eventually found her way to a mountain village she had frequented with the guerilla unit. After a few days, Lila was back with the guerilla unit.
It was after her first experience of defensive encounter that she learned from a peasant woman about her brother. Lila had spent the night at the peasant woman’s house and had casually told her she dreamt of Arman.
“Alam mo, napanaginipan ko ang kapatid ko, kausap daw ang tatay ko, nahihirapan siya, umiiyak (You know, I dreamt about my brother, he was talking to my father, and he was crying),” Lila recalled telling the peasant woman.
The woman broke into tears and told her what she overheard from the comrades. Lila was surprised that the woman knew about her being a prisoner and about her brother. But Lila didn’t believe her. She was set to get herself and her brother cleared.
Demoralization
It was already early1989 when Diego, a close friend of Lila came to the NPA unit. Lila recruited Diego to the movement when they were still students. Lila decided to break the policy about her prisoner status and told Diego about it.
“Hindi ko dapat sasabihin ito sa iyo, pero napagkamalan ako e, bihag ako (I’m not supposed to tell you this but I’m being wrongly accused, and I’m a prisoner),” Lila recalled telling Diego. She also told him that Arman was being suspected, too.
Soon after their talk, Diego left without saying goodbye. Lila later learned that he was sent to the unit as Lila’s interrogator. He confessed to their comrades that he couldn’t do the task, and that he was confused why Lila and her brother were suspects. Diego decided to leave the movement.
Lila recalled how some guerillas were demoralized when they learned about the charges against her. They became confused. Many decided to just go home.
At one point, Lila had to give two guerillas all the ideological education she learned just to keep them from leaving. Lila was left behind with the two as her guards as the unit conducted an offensive. After two weeks, the two Red fighters got so bored and were thinking of going home. Lila held them back because if they leave, she might as well be accused of causing their demoralization.
