BY JANETTE A. SANTOS
Contributed to Bulatlat
Vol. VII, No. 37, October 21-27, 2007

I am a live-in caregiver. Well, I used to be one until a few months ago. I have finished 24 months of the program and now I am free. Free to go back to the work I was used to doing.

But it wasn’t as if I had to endure it. There were lots of good times for me as well. I have shared 3 years of my life with them. I have come to love the children in my care and have treated their families as my own.

When I first arrived in Canada, all I ever wanted to do (after seeing snow for the first time that is) was to go home. I felt that I made a big mistake. Sure seeing the snow, and the places you only see in photos and TV shows is like a dream come true. Something one can brag to people back home when you eventually send them photos of you frolicking in the snow. Or tobogganing, skiing, or just about anything “imported”.

And then, after the honeymoon stage of being in a new country, the reality that I came here to be a nanny or a caregiver began to set in. Added to that is the humbling experience of applying for something you thought you would never do and then convincing prospective employers that you are perfect for the job, even as you try to convince yourself of the very same things.

At the risk of sounding snobbish, I firmly believe this is a noble profession more so because I have lived and experienced it myself. But when you have worked in a different work environment for many years and then go to a new country and become a house help or a caregiver, it can be quite shocking. For most of us, it took awhile before we could get a hang of this and began enjoying it. All for the mighty dollar, we say or all for the chance to better my life and that of my family.

But you may ask, we, who came from a country where caring for younger siblings or our elderly is imbedded in our culture, should be comfortable with this arrangement. Yes we are, if they are blood-related. We do have strong family ties. But it is a different matter when we have to take care of a stranger or worse, live in their houses for a year or so. We have other people living in our houses and helping us in our daily life with house work and children – helping us, not the other way around.

To actually be in their shoes (albeit getting paid more and in dollars even) is enough to make most of us question ourselves and our decision to come to Canada. And yet, despite all the initial “adjustments” of being a caregiver to other people, we have gained a better appreciation for our house helps back home. I for one treat them a lot differently than before. Because I am now one of them. Or I used to be one of them.

It really helps if your employers are kind and understanding. It helps make the adjustment not so painful because for those who are mothers or have children, it is simply a change of faces, so to speak. Same job to cook for them, dress them and play with them. Not as simple when you are a single woman who has no experience caring for young ones. Or if you spent your life breezing through it, going to school, graduating, getting a job, working 9 to 5 and then coming home. Coming home to where a mother or a house help is around to prepare your meals.

It also helps if they treat you as part of their family. Then you will really begin to feel that it’s not as bad as you initially dreaded it would be. That’s when you begin to settle into your role. And then, life becomes comfortable. You create a bond with the kids and their parents and you go out on weekends and explore this new country. You meet like-minded individuals and share weekends with them. And then you get paid in dollars and have the chance to begin sending helpful remittances to loved ones.

Soon a year will pass as you immerse yourself in your role as a caregiver. You treat the kids as if you bore them in your womb yourself. You love them, discipline them and cry when they hurt. And then another year will pass and finally you are reminded that you can now have a chance to work in the field you used to before. And you get mixed feelings. You are used to this job and yet you want to do what you used to do before. Or do you? You ask yourself if you still want to after all these years. Insecurities and self-doubts come in. Would I be able to work the same way? Would I even know how? Do I have to upgrade? Where would I apply? Or worse, would any company even consider me? Working as a live in caregiver is much more comfortable, why would I upset the smooth routine of the life I am used to now to go back working in an office? I want to bring my family here but I would need to earn more so that I may be able to. The idea of transition can be quite scary.

And so, you begin another adjustment. First you try to wean yourself away from care giving duties and from the family you lived with for a year or so. You begin to subtly remind yourself that you are on your way to the life you are used to. It’s not easy. Some of us would rather stay as a caregiver because it is most comfortable and easy. To others, it’s time to move on. We have not forgotten our goal why we are here in the first place. We just have a brief, meaningful, life-changing stopover before continuing our quest for a better life.

The fear of not being able to find the job you used to do before can keep most of us from pursuing it. The work we are currently doing seem easier and less hassle. And some of us think that we don’t really have the desire to go back to the fast-paced office life anymore. Not when being a nanny is way less stressful.

And then, you start reviewing your resume and see which areas you can highlight to convince another kind of employers that you are perfect for the job. It would help if you had the means to keep your skills honed while working as a nanny. If you had the foresight to keep your mind active and sharp by spending free time in the library, learning to use the computers again, and other personal ways of upgrading your skills.

When you feel confident enough, you begin sending out your resume. This you would do with trepidation because rejection is never easy to deal with. After few quite promising interviews and rejections and “we’ll call you later” later, you see yourself as you were before when you first started looking for a job. A long time ago it seems. Now you are much older and starting career anew. It can be daunting without the support of loved ones. Or if you lose sight of your goals. Then again, it can also be exciting and fun. Meeting new people, feeling like a new graduate, excited about getting an interview.

Others bravely face this new challenge and wait for companies to give them a chance. Sometimes we get lucky, sometimes we have to wait a little bit longer. And when we do get lucky, our families back home, our newfound friends, our newfound families here, rejoice with us. And we are given cheers and Godspeed and lots and lots of good luck, encouragement and sometimes even start up money (to buy new clothes, bus tickets, new shoes, and purse and food allowance).

Yes, I have recently moved on to a new phase in my life. A big company has decided to give me a chance to prove my worth and for that I will make sure I will not let them down. Just as I will not disappoint those who have supported me all these years. I still see “my” kids and “my co-parents” from time to time. It is not easy forgetting people who have made a mark in your life. It’s not easy letting go of caring for them and loving them. They will always be part of my life because they help hone me into what I am today.

As I get on with my life, I shall always look back at my years of care giving as a period of learning experience, lots of memories and gaining a new family. Equally, I hope to be able to share my values and loyalties as well as love and dedication to the company I am now working for.(Bulatlat.com)

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